Around Sagittarius season last year, I wrote this on my old blog—

"Normally, I'm a very ambitious, driven, go-getter gal but I can feel myself hesitating to dream big as I put together my 2023 goals and vision board. Am I afraid of getting my hopes up? Of failure? Of being let down? I'm normally not afraid either, and it's not like I'm competing with anyone other than myself, so where is this sense of fear coming from?

I think the uncertainty of twitter's future is partially responsible for these seeds of fear being sown into my garden. It's scary when something you've relied on for your livelihood and sense of stability is suddenly under the threat of being wiped out. And seeing the scrambling panic from my peers and friends—the whites of their eyes in constant view—hasn't been helpful.

But I think when the potential of a major Tower moment looms nearby, instead of being afraid we can use it as an opportunity to see the situation in a different way. This could be a chance to create something new—something better—out of something that may not have been so good (or sustainable) in the first place.

I'm not sure what 2023 will hold for me, my career, and my life but I've been trying to look at things with a different perspective. I don't want to be afraid of uncertainty—The Unknown. Because in The Unknown, anything is suddenly possible including things you could never dream of in the first place. And I never want to stop dreaming big and taking those leaps of faith."

Under the new moon in Sagittarius, I started doing some reflecting on these fears and how 2023 shaped up for me.

Like many other creatives, last year I was incredibly terrified and stressed at the thought of having to leave Twitter. It was once the best vehicle when it came to sharing about your work, connecting with others, and making sales. Elon owning the site didn't necessarily have to mean a death sentence, but there was also a chance that things could very well change for the worst.

"Prepare for the worst; and hope for the best," they say.

And things very much did change for the worst.

As scary as things felt, there was something an acquaintance—Jade—said that inspired me to look at the situation in a different light—

I got to work right away on an exit plan, but reading what Jade said gave me hope and inspiration to look at things with Sagittarius' energy—shooting for the stars, and taking that leap of faith to move forward in a new/different direction in the hopes that this way will be holistically better for me in the long run.

I could create a better way forward.

We all could/can create a better way forward, together.

As Ursula K Le Guin once said—

"We live in capitalism, its power seems inescapable – but then, so did the divine right of kings."

I vowed to myself that I was going to create a better relationship with social media and being an artist that relies on the internet—mainly one that didn't result in my livelihood having to be at the mercy of a billionaire to not fuck things up.

I genuinely had no idea how 2023 was going to unfold for me.
Between the possibility of losing twitter—my main source for income—and sales slowing down because I wasn't exactly making new things at the same rate/scale compared to when I was doing kickstarters (I stopped using kickstarter which is a whole other story) and enamel pins, I was really scared that 2023 was going to be the year I'd have to rethink my career as an artist.

But 2023 ended up being a great year for me, and I think my leap of faith ended up working out in the end—

I took a gamble on changing my focus and putting the majority of my efforts into pottery;
I really miss the blogging era of the Early Aughts so I decided to finally learn how to use WordPress and created this blog;
I've gotten so much better at time management;
I went on a few great adventures that pushed me to overcome my anxiety and live my life;
I got to spend quality time with old friends and family;
I tried finding romantic love;
and so much more!

Once again, I'm finding myself nervous about starting a new year.
Typically, I'm excited to start a new year and all the magic that may unfold. But during this Twixmas, I find myself hesitating to usher in a new year.
I'm afraid again, but I don't know why.

I think a part of me feels like I may not be cut out or ready for what 2024 will bring, or maybe that I won't be able to keep up.
Or maybe I'm afraid that there is no more magic for me.

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I worry about sharing my goals because I'm afflicted with the curse of never finishing a project the moment I share about it to others—

But maybe sharing one or two goals wouldn't hurt.
And sharing about it in this space feels more genuine, and I can hold myself more accountable compared to sharing on social media where posts and thoughts are more fleeting.

One of my work related goals is to finally figure out how to throw a closed form lidded jar.
And one of my personal related goals is to make an entry for the 2024 Breyerfest diorama contest (and hopefully win!)

I'm scared of 2024, but by nature I'm ever-the-optimist so I'm going to be taking yet another leap of faith and am hoping that this new year will be good; and that my life will continue to change in wonderful, beautiful ways.

I hope that by the next Sagittarius season I'll be able to reflect back on this post and see that I had nothing to be afraid of after all—there is still magic out there for me.