I realised on my previous trip to Utah that I had something with northern Utah that I still found lacking with California: a bond and sense of familiarity. One of the reasons why I feel so comfortable in Utah is because I have so much history with the area—

I have my favourite hiking trails;
I have my favourite music venues;
I have my favourite restaurants;
I have my favourite public restrooms;
I have my favourite record stores;
I have my favourite cemetery;

I just know where stuff is.
And if I don't, I know the cities well enough that I won't have any trouble, or feel intimidated, finding where something is.

I remember waiting outside for hours just to get front row spots to see my favourite bands In the Venue;
I remember the summer nights helping my boss screen-print gig posters by hand in his garage;
I remember participating in my first group gallery show;
I remember constantly riding the Frontrunner and TRAX to hang out with my friend in SLC;
I remember the beginnings of the Twilight Concert Series;

I have so many memories from just Salt Lake City alone; and there are so many more scattered all across Northern Utah like stars in the sky. This sense of history and familiarity comes from growing up and having lived in the state for nearly two decades.

But with California—even Fresno—the space is still so unfamiliar to me. There's a hint of something there, but truthfully I don't really have that much of a bond with the state or my city quite yet. It makes me a little sad because I've lived here for six years now, and despite going on adventures all over the state I still don't feel at home here like I do in Utah. And I partially blame the years of COVID shutdowns for this sense of disconnection.

One of my favourite things to do in Utah is to get outdoors, so I thought that maybe one way I could cultivate that sense of familiarity with California is to explore more of the "wild lands". There are so many beautiful wild lands in this state, and I'm so lucky to be living here and have the access to it. Why haven't I been taking advantage of that blessing?

So I've decided that, at minimum, once a month I would take myself and my dog out to a new hiking place somewhere in the state in the hopes that this can make me feel more familiar with the state. And so last month, as soon as we got back home from Utah I took Eden and myself out to our favourite beach in Santa Cruz.

I used to feel so uncomfortable coming here because an ex first showed me this beach, and for the longest time it felt like it "belonged" to him and I wasn't welcome here. But I realised how stupid that belief was because the beach belongs to everyone, and I could come here anytime I wanted.
And for the first time, it really did feel like this beach was now part of my "home".