There is a cultural stigma when it comes to women who are single for long periods of time.
People assume there must be something wrong with her, she’s crazy, or that her standards are far too high. It’s seen as a red flag in the dating world.
It kind of reminds me of when there are gaps in one’s resume and how that suddenly becomes a red flag for prospective employers when you are actually an excellent candidate for the job.

I find the opposite far more alarming—people jumping right into another relationship after a break-up leaving no breathing room for healing, self-reflection, and growth. I think it’s important to give yourself space to be alone and learn to be by yourself. But we also can’t control when we encounter someone new and the lure of optimism that comes with the birth of a new connection.

As a culture, we place so much value on being in romantic relationships which causes people to stay or seek out partners who may not actually be good for them driven by the fear of being single, or not ever finding another partner. People don’t really want to wait for the right one and instead accept what they can get.

We are all on our own timelines within our individual journeys navigating life.
And as they say: comparison is the thief of joy.
But sometimes, I feel so embarrassed that all of my past failed connections seem to have magically found wonderful new connections/relationships so quickly after crossing paths with me.
Meanwhile, I’m still over here on my own.
I'm happy for them and want them to be happy because we all deserve to find love. But I want to find it too.
And even though I’d rather be on my own than be in a relationship that I’m not 100% happy in, it still makes me feel a little ashamed because culturally it’s “wrong” for a woman to be single for a long period of time.
People may think that there’s something wrong with me or that maybe I’m crazy.
And though I normally don’t care what people think about me because I know who I am, there’s still that tiny part of me that does care.
I don’t want people to misunderstand me.
I don’t want people judging me and thinking, “Wow, she’s still single? She must be crazy. I dodged a bullet.”
Because I’m not a bad person or a bad partner.
But there are times when I struggle with not feeling like there’s something wrong with me.

I’ve been single for seven years now.
My last long-term relationship lasted nearly five years (though it should’ve ended much sooner).
I was so excited to finally be sexy, free, and single because it meant that I was now able to find My Person.
But in the beginning of my Single Era, I was terrified of being in another relationship. I was afraid I would make the same mistakes and end up “trapped” again in a relationship where I was miserable and mistreated.
I didn't trust in myself nor did I feel like I had the power to walk away, so I chose to abstain from looking for a new connection or relationship.

But during these Single Years, I’ve gone through an intense and incredible journey of healing and self-love.
I learned about my self-worth and how to protect and hold onto it.
I’ve learned exactly what it is that I want and need in a partner.
I’ve learned to trust in myself and my intuition, and that I have the power to walk away from a connection if I need to do so. I’m not afraid of being trapped anymore.

I know what I like, I know what I want, and I know how I want to feel in a relationship.
I don’t allow just anyone to come into my life anymore. I love my life and I’m very protective of it and my heart; I’m happy and fulfilled. And this makes me a picky and particular woman.
Because I know what it feels like to settle—ignoring your red flags; compromising on your deal-breakers for the sake of making a connection work so you don’t have to remain single.
And I am never happy or fulfilled in those connections. So I've learned to avoid them at all cost even if that results in me swiping left on 99% of the current pool in the dating apps. Because I hope to eventually cross paths with that special 1%—the ones that align with what I’m seeking and desire.

The 9 of Pentacles Woman is a woman who challenges the cultural stigma that revolves around women who choose to be single.
I used to perceive the 9 of Pentacles card as a bad omen—one that spelled out a future where I continued to be indefinitely single and on my own. It made me want to cry whenever I saw this card pop up for me.
But I decided to confront my fear after being haunted by this card, and I opened myself up to learning from the 9 of Pentacles Woman, and hearing what she had to say to me.

The 9 of Pentacles represents a woman who is comfortable, prosperous, abundant, independent, stable, and knows that all of her needs, wants, and wishes will be met.

She doesn’t chase, she attracts; and she believes that what belongs to her will simply find her.
The 9 of Pentacles is a woman who is in control of her own destiny—she does things her way, and not how or what society tells her to do.

She is a confident, beautiful woman who has worked hard for what she has. She is proud of herself, she is living well, and she’s doing her before deciding to move on and have a family (10 of Pentacles).
She has confidence and knows that her own power comes from within.
And she symbolises much deserved rewards for those who hold true to themselves.

I realised that the 9 of Pentacles Woman and I were not so different; I had nothing to fear whenever she made an appearance. She was telling me to enjoy my life and all of the wonderful things I have instead of focusing on what I feel like is missing. She told me that I do not need to force or chase, and that I can live in the moment trusting that everything that’s meant for me will find it’s way to me—even if it comes in a roundabout way.

I’m waiting for someone who will reciprocate all of my love and energy.
I’m waiting for someone who will give me grace.
I’m waiting for someone who will understand me.
I’m waiting for someone who will love and appreciate all of me instead of trying to force me into their teeny, tiny box of who they think I should be.
I’m waiting for someone who will hear me.
I’m waiting for someone who makes me feel safe.
I’m waiting for someone I can trust and rely on.
I’m waiting for someone who shows me that they care about me.
I’m waiting for someone who will be patient with me.
I’m waiting for someone who sees that I’m worth it.
I’m waiting for someone special.
I’m waiting for someone who is The One for me.

It genuinely sucks to be single at times, and I don’t want to pretend that it doesn’t.
Buying yourself flowers or going to events on your own that would be awesome as a shared experience with a partner gets old after the fifth year of being single. But I’m going to keep choosing to believe that My Person is going to find me at the right place, and at the right time.
And while I wait, I’m going to continue living my best life being my best self.