I still haven't planted my sunflower seeds for the year.
For the past two years, I've planted them in May but this year I haven't gotten around to doing it.
To be fair, I was out of town at the start of the month (more on that later!).
But now that I'm home, I just can't seem to commit energy towards planting.

Oddly, I was able to commit the energy towards cleaning out the garden bed of weeds.
But planting?
Forget about it.

Planting doesn't even require that much energy—you dig some little holes, put the seeds in the ground, water them, and go on your merry way. But there is some kind of mental block at the moment where I just come up with excuses or I tell myself, "eh, I'll just do it next weekend."
And then next weekend rolls around and I spend my time doing other things.
And I wonder if this is maybe my subconscious resisting the idea of planting new, metaphorical seeds in particular areas of my life manifesting in the real world.

Watching my sunflowers grow every year brings me great joy, and I love that gardening allows me to see the results of my hard work in real time. So often in life, there are chapters where you put in the work and effort but you don't actually see the fruits of your labor until the very end. It's tough when you go through chapters of life like that, but the payoff is usually so worth it.

It's ironic that I share these thoughts under tonight's full moon which is named the Flower Moon.
But at this moment, I don't really feel like putting in the energy into those metaphorical gardens of mine. I don't really trust that any of the seeds I try planting this time around will actually bloom into something beautiful.