Happy Lunar New Year!

It's the Year of the Dragon this year, and I've been doing a little reminiscing about the past twelve years thanks to this Year of the Dragon Starbucks gift card I've had since 2012.

In 2012, I was working at Starbucks and still trying to figure out the direction I should go in terms of my career. I knew I wanted to be an artist, but I didn't know what I could do as one when it came to a legitimate career—should I be a graphic designer? An illustrator? A fine artist? Perhaps a web designer or a typographer?
None of these really felt like they fit me and what I wanted to do with my life, but I was willing to give all these options a shot.

By this point, I had my artwork up for the first time in a popular local art gallery for a group show, and I tabled at three Craft Lake City events which gave me hope that maybe I could make a living off of my work. But for some reason, that didn't really seem like an actual path I could take at the time.
It felt like I had to have a "serious" kind of job like a graphic designer or children's book illustrator.

I ended up choosing to pursue freelance illustration, because that felt close to what I wanted deep down. And so I worked hard on building my portfolio and my online presence. I hated the anxiety and stress of finding a parking spot for classes close to campus, so I would show up to school in the wee hours of the morning, find the perfect parking spot, and hang out in the printmaking room.

Every morning for five days a week, I would be in there working—sketching; drafting; working on my website; screen-printing; and more. I figured if I was going to be on campus that early before my first class, I may as well use the time—and access to equipment—wisely because I was going to graduate eventually and I wasn't going to have the same time and access anymore.

I also started interning for a local gig poster artist for a few years and learned some of the ins and outs of what it took to be a freelance artist.

I was in a shitty relationship at the time with someone who treated me terribly; a relationship I stayed in far, far too long. And I just couldn't see or believe at the time that I could have better.
Or that I deserved more.

By the time I graduated, I had left Starbucks because our store was being closed down by corporate which gave me an opportunity to take a leap of faith and really dive into being a full-time freelance illustrator and artist. But what I really had my heart set on doing was being an in-store graphic designer and chalkboard artist for a Whole Foods Market store.

I didn't care where the store was; I wanted to have that position so I literally applied all over the country—
Boston, Massachusetts;
Boulder, Colorado;
Chicago, Illinois;
Nashville, Tennessee;
Pasadena, California;
Seattle, Washington;
Any store that had an opening I applied because I was that determined to get that specific job.
And there ended up being some opportunities that came up at my local Salt Lake City stores—including Sugarhouse, my favourite—and it felt like it was meant for me.

While I worked on applications and attended online job interviews that ultimately led to rejection, I was also working on my own art business with freelance work or creating my own stuff to sell.
I tabled at a couple more Craft Lake City events; Salt Lake City Comic Cons; traveled to Portland, Oregon for the first time to table at LineworkNW; and had my work up in more group gallery shows.

Eventually, I quit trying to get that Whole Foods Market chalkboard artist job, because by that point it was becoming a waste of my time interviewing and doing tests for them only to get rejected.
The time I spent designing and making chalkboard samples could have been spent making my own work to sell.
And my own business was starting to grow and grow.
I still took some freelance gigs, but I stopped making freelance illustration my career goal and instead changed my focus to just being a full-time artist making and selling whatever I wanted.

I left that awful relationship and immediately found myself in another that seemed fine at first but eventually turned really bad as time went on.
I will never forget the immense feeling of freedom I felt when I left his house for the final time.
I distinctly remember driving over a bridge on my way home and feeling my spirit say, "I can finally find my soulmate."

Because of that relationship, I finally learned about boundaries and that "no" was a complete sentence;
I learned to stop being a people pleaser;
And I finally got my seal skin back after coming so close to losing it—and my spirit—forever.

A lot can change in twelve years.
People can change a lot in twelve years.
I've had many adventures during this time—
Solo road trips;
Finally seeing Bring Me the Horizon live;
Learning to ride horses;
Learning how to date;
And leaving the nest to live on my own for the first time in my life!

I've made many more friends, and I've made SO. MANY. THINGS. over the past twelve years!
It was so hard to choose what pieces and moments to feature in this post because everything has meant so much to me and contributed in some meaningful way to my growth as an artist—every paint stroke; every scribble; every failed effort; and every success.

Twelve years ago, I never imagined that I would be where I am today—working as a full time artist AND having my own dog! I didn't think I'd be here in California. And having my own dog felt like it was never going to happen.

I've grown so much as a person—
I've learned how to better love and believe in myself;
I've learned how to have the level of self-confidence and self-assurance I've always admired in women like Michelle Obama, Tracee Ellis Ross, or Godzilla.
I've learned what I want in a partner and how I want—and deserve—to be treated by them as well.
And I've learned to never, ever dim my light for anyone ever again. I should never need to feel like I have to cut pieces of myself off to fit into someone else's box.

I've come a long, long way over the past twelve years.
I'm so happy and thankful to be alive;
I'm so happy and thankful I am me.
And I'm feeling so excited for all of the possibilities—and magic—that are waiting for me not only in this year, but also for the next twelve when we see The Dragon return yet again.